Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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