i think my tv is drunk
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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