Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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