there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
