then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
i think my cat just said my name.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
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