when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
