i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
