Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
