I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
