you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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