you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
