i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
