if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Can I color on your dick again?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
