I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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