She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
In America we eat man semen.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
