All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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