i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
