Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
