His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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