Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
