Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
