I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
it glows. i had to have it.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
