If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
