I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
