I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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