Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
