let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
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