he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
When are your genitals available?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
