hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
