Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
