I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Randomize
