we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize