He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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