The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I will die if light touches me.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
soo... how was my night?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
