did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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