I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Can you bring me the toilet please
We had sex on a dog bed..
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
