Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
