At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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