u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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