i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
The feeling are messing with the penis
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
You ruined the universe
Randomize
