I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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