My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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