I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
