oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
