I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Randomize