I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
You pole danced in your parka.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
