All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
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