Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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