I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
