wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Semen is not good for contacts.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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