The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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