My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
