It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
