I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
