I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
