I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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