the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
