It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize