Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
