im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Randomize
