after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
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