Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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