the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
