my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
