maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
COCAINE IS GR8
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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