Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
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