I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
