Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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