after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
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