I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
